Living in the Darkness…

Living in the Darkness…

Everyone talks about the new hope and the joy in the New Year. It’s a time for people to make resolution and changes. The problem is that the change only lasts for a few weeks or month if we are lucky. In order to find the success it is a battle and it making it an everyday routine.

Lately, my life has been anything but routine. I was given an opportunity to interview at the new Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. I noticed it being advertised on a hospitality career website and thought it wouldn’t hurt to apply. To my surprise, I received an email asking me to fill out a survey. I did and then received an invitation to come out and interview in person. I jumped at the chance and figured I could use a break from work.

I stayed at another property close to the hotel and went in for an interview which turned out to be a group interview. After leaving the interview I was pulled aside and asked to return for a second interview. I agreed and came back the next day. I thought that I was on point and it seemed like they were very interested.
After talking to people who work in the industry in Las Vegas I thought that I had a great chance. I even took the night off and went out with some new friends and had a wonderful time. I left the following day and headed back to Sacramento. It was New Years Eve and I was going to work the graveyard shift. I was ready for a long weekend and after getting little rest in Vegas I was still running on the hope of a new opportunity.

New Years Eve turned out to be one of the most eventful nights at work. With a fight that landed one in the hospital and three more injured, it was anything but a slow night. I agreed to work both nights at night audit since we were short staffed and I figured it was my penitence for leaving and going to interview.
Since that night, I have not had a day off work. Working the graveyard shift and not seeing much of 2011. It seems that everyday I get off work and head home to an apartment that looks like a disaster area. I have no energy to do anything when I get off work. I have so much to do but yet nothing is getting accomplished.
I need to take care of myself. That includes taking care of my place and belongings. I am looking forward to seeing the sunshine. I want to go out and do something fun. I want to have a social life again. I want to have something to look forward to.

I contacted the hotel with a thank you email and hoped that it would prompt an email back with new of another interview; instead I got a stock email that said they were moving forward with other candidates. It wasn’t my time.

There is something bigger and better out there for me and I just need to focus on what I have in front of me. I have a job that is stable. While at the moment, it’s not enjoyable like it should be, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better. I have never let myself settle. I always push and drive to better myself and push myself. This is just one more chance to see what I am capable of. Another opportunity that is part of a larger plan and path is just awaiting me. I have found taking an optimistic view provides growth. I could lull and be upset but instead I am finding the silver lining.

Looking back on last year, it was rough. There were some great times and wonderful memories. There were a lot of highs but also a lot of lows. Most would have been looking at the New Year and cursing the old. I look at last year as a turning point. I started living life. I learned that I can do just about anything and the value of friendships.

Living alone use to scare me. I find it peaceful. While I enjoy taking trips alone and getting to explore places on my own, I would be lying if I said that I don’t miss having someone to share my adventures with. I was very fortunate to travel all over the US this year and I look forward to expanding that this year. I want to get out of the US at least once before 2012.

So I guess there is something to look forward to while living in the darkness. This year I am going to try even more new things. Live life and explore the world. Most importantly I need to take care of myself. I am going to finally get to the dentist for the first time in over a decade, start cooking more, and get to the gym. Its not because it is a new year, it’s because I am still becoming a new me. I have only scratched the surface.

And when the night has finally gone.
And when we see the new day dawn.
We'll wonder how we wandered for so long, so blind.
The wasted world we thought we knew,
The light will make it look brand new.