Emotions Running High
It’s amazing how there are certain moments in life that you can replay and they are clear as the day that they happened. When I am working sometimes, my mind begins to wonder and I replay parts of my life. I guess you could say this is my highlight reel.
The highlight reel though isn’t always full of good times, sometimes it’s the hardest moments to swallow that seem to be the most clear. I can remember a few most recently, which still pull at my heart.
I remember how I met my former partner and it still does make me smile when I think about it. Many of you know this story but I will share it with the others who do not. I was working in Waikiki Beach at the hotel and happened to be scheduled to work the 3:00pm-11:00pm shift. I normally worked middle of the day and it was the only day that week I was to be at the front desk. I was busy working when I noticed two people checking in and I turned on my smile and aloha spirit and welcomed them and assumed that they were father and son. I remember telling them that their room had just one bed and tried to up-sell them. I was and remember the conversation about he liked the noise. He didn’t like it to be too quite. Also his face lit up when he saw we had pixie sticks at the desk. He grabbed just one and then I checked them in and sent them on their way.
He came back rather quickly and was still smiling and asked about the beach towels and I pointed them out and he said thanks. For me, I was just doing my job and he was so excited as so many people are who visiting Hawaii for the first time. I wasn’t aware that he was trying to pursue me. He left and came back and asked me for a band-aid and I asked him what size and was giving him a hard time and he just said a band-aid. I pulled out my heavy-duty first aid kit that we kept at the desk to prepare us for just about anything and gave him one. He said thanks. He asked then if I knew where Daniel Dae Kim’s restaurant was. I was not sure who that was at first but he explained that he was a huge lost fan and that he wanted to go to his restaurant. I found the directions and wrote them down for him on the back of a business card. I was joking around because Tanya who was my Manager on duty said she lived close by. I looked at her because we both lived close to each other and we lived in Palolo, with the housing projects, not Kahala, which is known to be very upscale. The he looked at me and we locked eyes and he said “Thank you” and did what he called the gay stare, he just looked at me and kept eyes locked for longer than normal and smiled.
It was at that moment, things really changed. I realized what he was doing and thought this really attractive guy is hitting on me. I went back to work but he continued to come back and ask more questions and grab one pixie stick at a time. He finally came up and asked me if there were places to go out. I told him yes, there are bars all over Waikiki. He then asked well what about any whispered gay bars? I said yes there are a few two to the left and one to the right. He asked if I had ever been? I told him yes.
What I did not know was that he had been sitting at the bar and working up the courage to come and speak to me and to make a move. He also had asked the bartender if she knew if I was gay or not. She didn’t know and we really didn’t have much to do with the food and beverage staff because they were separate. So they went to the Valet thinking that they would know. Again they are not our staff so they were in the dark too. So everyone was trying to figure this out and I was just working and had no clue this was going on and how far it went.
Well after he asked me about the bars he began to ask, “ I don’t know what procedure is or…if you are allowed too but… uhm if you want or uhmm… I mean if you want to go….” He was stuttering and falling on the words and I simple let out a short “We’ll See.” I know that sounds mean and that I shot him down but, one my boss was in ear shot and I wasn’t open and two it is very important to never fraternize with guests. So he hung his head and walked away.
I was still working and he was at the bar and had to walk by the desk to use the restroom and he would turn the other way but I could see him looking into the window and using the reflections to look at me. I just smiled and when I had the chance I would take the opportunity to walk guest to the other tower and make small comments and banter with the bartender and make sure I smiled at him.
So he thought he was back in the game. He came back up again and asked me where Coldstone was what time they closed and I said I would find out. He said he was sorry he was just finding reasons to come up and told to me. I said I know and he said by the way my name is Joe. The phone was answered and I just pointed to my nametag and gave him a smile. He shot one right back and I told him the hours and he said thanks and walked away. It was getting close to the end of work and I figured why not. So i remember that he had told me about the bartender having a dog. So I figured out a way to go over to the bar, talk to the bartender and see what would happen.
I went downstairs to count out my drawer and she was there so I thought perfect. I counted and went back up stairs and looked and she was gone. I thought oh no, what am I going to do. So I went to the desk dropped off the drawer and talked for a little bit and made an excuse to go back downstairs. I remember sitting down in my office and thinking, what am I doing and being so scared and afraid but I talked myself into it. I went up and gave back the keys to the desk and headed for the bar. I told the bartender that I heard she had a dog. Everyone in the bar was looking at me because I didn’t know that all of them were in on this too and that they knew what was going on. So we exchanged pictures of our dogs and he looked at them too. He asked if I could sit and I told him no I was in uniform and I shouldn’t really be here. He said well, can you walk? And I said sure so he had to run to the bathroom and I told him I would meet him outside.
In my head I was thinking what are we going to do? Is he just trying to hook up with me and what is his motive? I knew I couldn’t go back to his room and I was still living with my ex and so it was just a casual conversation as we walked down the streets. We walked and got to the Hawaiian Village and we had kept it pretty causal. I can remember the exact spot and shop when he turned and said that he was a nerd. I was expecting something other than, “ I like musical theater.” And I said really me too I had done a lot of shows. It was at that moment there was spark. It was that one moment where you begin to think wait a minute. So then we turned to music and Disney films and we ended up out by the lagoon and just talked about relationships and a lot of different things. It was nice like a date. We then headed back and he asked if he could drive me home. I told him sure but I couldn’t be seen getting into your car. So he texted his friend and asked if he could use the car. I waited on the curb a few blocks away and I helped navigate him to my house. We got there and he said he wasn’t tired and I told him I wasn’t either and I didn’t work tomorrow so if he wanted I could show him the island. He said sure. So we got to my place and I said let me go show you some places. I took him and we went on a drive down the Kalanianaole highway, which runs right by the ocean. Its not much to see at night but it so dark the stars just shine. We drove all over and then I took him up pacific Height and we overlooked the entire island looking at the city lights and the ocean all the way to the other side of the island. I remember he reached out and touched me and I immediately put my hand back on his.
We then decided that I should get him back and we drove to my placed and I got out and he gave me a big hug and we kissed. There was just something so amazing in that kiss and that it was electrifying. I said my good byes and told him to call me if he got lost on his way back home. He made it and I was looking forward to seeing him again.
The next morning I got up and wanted to get there as soon as possible but my roommate went to go to the gym and so I had to wait until he returned. I finally got the car and left to go and pick him up. I had on a cutoff and my board shorts, my sunglasses and hat. He had on cutoff and his yellow board shorts. When I pulled up he just said wow, I said hey sorry about the car and everything, he said no it was nice to see me out of my uniform. I grabbed him hand we headed out. I took him on the Kalanianaole highway again this time during the day, which is breathtaking. You drive right next to the cliffs and we would stop at each point. We got out at the blowhole and he got to see a sea turtle just swimming below us. It was pretty magical and then we went to Sandy’s beach and drove through looking at all the surfers and people there and talking about how rough it was there.
After that we went to the lookout point at the Makapuu lighthouse. It was great and we just looked out over and I would tell him stories and just let him take in all the beauty. It was really nice so then I decided to take him to Lanikai beach. Its one of those crystal clear beaches with super-fine sand and voted one of the best for many years. It was just a short here it is and then we kept driving. We were playing with the radio and listening to music together and singing along. We took the long way around the island and drove through most of the island.
I was going through my top 25 and “Proud of your Boy” came on. He looked at me and was shocked that I had not only that song but also the original versions. For those of you who don’t know, it is a deleted song from Aladdin. He said that is one of his favorite songs didn’t think anyone knew it. We just smile and it was just one of the many moments that was almost like fate was being us together.
We got to Turtle Bay area and he wanted to know if we could stop. I told him that there was a place I wanted to show him. We drove past the Pipeline and Sunset Beach and got to my favorite places on the island. Sharks cove. We got a parking spot but then started to walk around and he told me that he had never snorkeled. I said I wish I had my stuff and then it dawned on me that over two weeks ago I had my roommate put my stuff in the car. We went and again almost as if I was truly meant to be I had two sets of gear. We went to the water and he was in awe when he got to look and see the schools of fish around him. We then went a little farther and got the large rock formation and climbed up. Not many people wear the water shoes, which would make climbing this impossible or at least very painful. We found a small tide pool that was close enough the edge that when the tide would roll in, it would flush it out and still stay pretty warm. It was as if we went to our own private island. No one was around us and we just sat and held each other in the pool and talked.
He told me that the worst thing that could happen would be if he fell in love when he was in Hawaii. I kissed him and asked him if he had. He said it was pretty close. So I decided that I still had a few places I wanted to show him before sunset. So we got up and then did a nice jump off the rock into the water. We then headed to a beach that I knew where it would be nice and secluded for the sunset. We got there and walked the beach holding hands and held each other while watching the sunset. It was perfect and just holding each other nothing in the world mattered.
We decided to head back in town and I wanted to take him to a place that was back in Kahala. We went and found it was closed and so I said that I needed to change but we could go somewhere else. I went home and ran inside and changed as fast I could and got back to the car where he had done the same. We ended up going to California Pizza Kitchen and we sat down and asked what are we going to do? He was leaving and I lived here. We agreed that we would just live in the moment but that we would do our best and everything that we could to make it work. We had a great time and amazing waitress that took care of us. We left and drove again and we made the loop of the island and he asked if there was beach or place we could sit. I took him to a place not to far from my house and lay under the stars and just talked. It was just like a movie. Holding each other as the waves hit the sand and our feet under the palm trees. We stayed there for a while but we both knew that we needed to get back and just kept avoiding saying good bye.
I drove him back to the hotel and we said our good-bye and he said he wasn’t sure that he would get to talk to me tomorrow before he left but he would do his best. I said that was fine and I kissed him and as I said good-bye as the door shut, I said Good night I love you… and the door slammed. He opened it again and said I love you too. I remember that moment so well. It was as if I already knew that he had my heart. I apologized for letting that slip out but I had been fighting it all night with all the emotions.
I went home and we texted a little before bed and then I got to sleep to come in and work in the morning. It was tough but I got a quick message from him while I was at my desk under the hotel. I was working when I had to go up to cover everyone for breaks. Of course the fate would have him coming to the desk to check out. Maile checked him out and he grabbed a few pixie sticks and I said oh hold on a minute I think I have something for you. I went in the back and grabbed a handful of them and said here its something to remember the trip by, and he said thanks what is your name. I told him and he said that’s a great name. I saw him starting to tear up under his shades as he walked away. I told them I needed to go get some water and left the desk to compose myself. I wasn’t sure if that would be the last moment we would have together.
I went back downstairs and tried to finish out my day. I was getting ready to leave for the day and I walked up the stairs to drop off the information for the desk and when I walked out the door I saw him sitting there. For a moment my heart stopped and I lost my breath. I stopped dead in my tracks and remember my heart skipping a beat. I have never had that sensation until that moment. I smiled and my heart fluttered and I ran down to throw the stuff down and we met and went for a walk and sat by the Ala Wai. We talked and he asked if it was ok if he could hug me and I said of course. We hugged and his ride came and took him to airport. I remember looking at him as he drove away and just feeling so many different feelings. Not more than 2 minutes passed and my ride came too and I remember just crying in the car on the way home. It was just too much for me. We did talk and used Skype everyday and it was over 40 days before I got to see him again…
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| Shark's Cove Sunset |
So that is how we met. Its still makes me smile to this day. There is more and I will share it over time. I know its long blog but it was one of the most magical days and things in my life. Its why I have so much trouble letting go of something so special. I know I shouldn’t but there is still something more left unwritten that only time will reveal….
