Thursday, December 8, 2011

CandleLite


It’s been almost a year that I have been on my blog. Over the last year, I have found that I am using many of the social media networks, less and less. Sometimes in my life, I don’t want to be found. Other times I feel like I am doing so much and everything is happening so fast that I don’t have time to sit down and write about what is going on in my life.

I am more of a private person then most people would think. I know most of you are saying, well sure but you have put so much out on here and let people in on the worst part of your life and talked about things that most people would have just kept to themselves. In some ways it was a way to cope, to heal. I took the time today and read through the old blogs. Its amazing to see where I have been and what has been happening over the course of just a year or two.

I guess this is really another ditch in the road, and you keep moving. Sometimes I forget to take time to stop. I think its when I do, I realize that I sometimes have so much on my plate that I forget what is in front of me. My mom used to tell me that I was always getting sick or hurt because I was burning the candle from both ends. I still do that all this and guess its just who I am. I like to be busy and have things to look forward to and goals and plans. Now don’t get me wrong I do sometimes just like to have just a night alone, but those are the nights that make me realize what I have and where I am in my life.

I was told yesterday while I was working that I was very mature for a 32 year old… I told the guest that I was flattered and that I was only 25 but thank you. He apologized and I told him no need but thank you for that. He talked about I always carry myself and that I seem to have it together. In a lot of ways, I think that I am.

I can say that I live comfortably on my own. I have a great two story studio loft downtown Sacramento. It has a charm to it that I don’t think I could find anywhere else. I have a car, with a new tire, thank you blow out tire this weekend. I have two incredible dogs, Allie and Diesel. They 2 year old black labs that love me unconditionally and always there to cuddle with at night. I have a job and sometimes I consider it a blessing and curse at the same time.

Work has been a great source of stress and uncertainty. I truly do enjoy what I do but I have always had trouble balance the rest of my life with my job. I work in an industry where you never know what is going to happen. I tend to get so caught up in work that my life takes a back seat.  It’s a hard balance and I have been doing my best to keep the two in check. Sometimes, like today, I was so caught up with what I was doing out side of work that I didn’t look at the schedule enough to know that I had an early shift. I guess that was a wake up call to realize that I need to focus.

The thing that I realize is that I only have to dedicate the 8 hours to work. When I am gone, I am gone. Its about being able to let go of everything when I walk through the door and then again when I leave, I leave it at the door. I know that there are things aren’t always as black and white and there is a lot more that goes into it all, but I need to stay focused and make sure that I am doing all that I can and standing out so when an opportunity does arise, I will be able to move forward with no hesitation.

I am going to do my best this year to keep this updated and it will serve as a place to look at what I have and where I have gone. I do it enough in pictures but sometimes it’s nice to see what I was thinking and know the person I have become, through the good and the bad.

So after all of that I guess I can talk about this past weekend. I had planned on going to Disneyland to see my good friend Susie. We were going to attend the Candlelight on Main Street Disney. I had no idea what would really be in store for me. I was planning on going down on Thursday night, and going to the park with someone on Friday while Susie was at work. While that sounded like a great idea, I was driving on I-5 about hour from Sacramento, when my tire exploded. It was scary but it was just a small inconvenience in the weekend. I ended up getting a new tire and heading down and heading straight for the park. I finally got to the park around 4:30PM. I got to see the park in a whole new light. It was something special that I cannot even begin to describe. Getting to see my first Disney snowfall with great company.

Saturday was another great day at Disney. I got to spend most of the day with Susie and get a game plan for the Sunday’s Event. It was CRAZY at the park. It took forever to move even just a small amount of space due to the number of people in the park. We ended up leaving the park and meeting Matt for dinner outside the park. It was a nice change. After Dinner Matt and I ended up heading back to the park and even made time to go see the Muppets. We stopped in DCA and went to experience Electronica. It was pretty interesting and great place to people watch. We ended up heading out to the movie and it was a great end of the day.

Sunday was crazy day. Susie claimed her place on Main Street and camped it out while I got to go explore the park with Matt again. I got to meet some of Matt’s friends and it was great company. We also made our way back to feed and water Susie and let her take bathroom breaks. We kept an eye on our spots while she got to go see the parade and then after a coffee run, we got to see the Candlelight Ceremony.  As with anything Disney it was a spectacle. About 500 choir members marched down the street to a main stage to sing with a orchestra and the Christmas Story was read by Gary Sinise. (Lt. Dan from Forrest Gump.)

Matt and I on Space Mountain

Monday was just as great. I got to spend the day riding rides with Susie, or I should say breaking the rides. We got stuck on Space Mountain and then on pirates we experienced quite a bit of traffic on the water. It was great to spend the time with Susie and I am sure she was sick of hearing what a magical couple of nights I had. We ended up going to DCA to watch world of color… again attempted. The show ended up getting cancelled due to the high winds. We did get to see the holiday sequence and it started but couldn’t continue.

The hardest part was leaving Orange County on Monday night. Susie and I said our goodbyes and I met Matt at a coffee shop that was still open. We just sat there and talked about the weekend and what was in store. I am still thinking about all of it.  I don’t think that I would have been able to make it home all night with no sleep, if it wasn’t that I left sad, but still smiled for everything that happened and what could be in store.

I know that there is a lot riding on new that I should be getting in the next week or before. Until then I am going to do everything that I can do….

So until next time, which will be sooner than later….

LATER DAYS!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Living in the Darkness…

Living in the Darkness…

Everyone talks about the new hope and the joy in the New Year. It’s a time for people to make resolution and changes. The problem is that the change only lasts for a few weeks or month if we are lucky. In order to find the success it is a battle and it making it an everyday routine.

Lately, my life has been anything but routine. I was given an opportunity to interview at the new Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. I noticed it being advertised on a hospitality career website and thought it wouldn’t hurt to apply. To my surprise, I received an email asking me to fill out a survey. I did and then received an invitation to come out and interview in person. I jumped at the chance and figured I could use a break from work.

I stayed at another property close to the hotel and went in for an interview which turned out to be a group interview. After leaving the interview I was pulled aside and asked to return for a second interview. I agreed and came back the next day. I thought that I was on point and it seemed like they were very interested.
After talking to people who work in the industry in Las Vegas I thought that I had a great chance. I even took the night off and went out with some new friends and had a wonderful time. I left the following day and headed back to Sacramento. It was New Years Eve and I was going to work the graveyard shift. I was ready for a long weekend and after getting little rest in Vegas I was still running on the hope of a new opportunity.

New Years Eve turned out to be one of the most eventful nights at work. With a fight that landed one in the hospital and three more injured, it was anything but a slow night. I agreed to work both nights at night audit since we were short staffed and I figured it was my penitence for leaving and going to interview.
Since that night, I have not had a day off work. Working the graveyard shift and not seeing much of 2011. It seems that everyday I get off work and head home to an apartment that looks like a disaster area. I have no energy to do anything when I get off work. I have so much to do but yet nothing is getting accomplished.
I need to take care of myself. That includes taking care of my place and belongings. I am looking forward to seeing the sunshine. I want to go out and do something fun. I want to have a social life again. I want to have something to look forward to.

I contacted the hotel with a thank you email and hoped that it would prompt an email back with new of another interview; instead I got a stock email that said they were moving forward with other candidates. It wasn’t my time.

There is something bigger and better out there for me and I just need to focus on what I have in front of me. I have a job that is stable. While at the moment, it’s not enjoyable like it should be, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better. I have never let myself settle. I always push and drive to better myself and push myself. This is just one more chance to see what I am capable of. Another opportunity that is part of a larger plan and path is just awaiting me. I have found taking an optimistic view provides growth. I could lull and be upset but instead I am finding the silver lining.

Looking back on last year, it was rough. There were some great times and wonderful memories. There were a lot of highs but also a lot of lows. Most would have been looking at the New Year and cursing the old. I look at last year as a turning point. I started living life. I learned that I can do just about anything and the value of friendships.

Living alone use to scare me. I find it peaceful. While I enjoy taking trips alone and getting to explore places on my own, I would be lying if I said that I don’t miss having someone to share my adventures with. I was very fortunate to travel all over the US this year and I look forward to expanding that this year. I want to get out of the US at least once before 2012.

So I guess there is something to look forward to while living in the darkness. This year I am going to try even more new things. Live life and explore the world. Most importantly I need to take care of myself. I am going to finally get to the dentist for the first time in over a decade, start cooking more, and get to the gym. Its not because it is a new year, it’s because I am still becoming a new me. I have only scratched the surface.

And when the night has finally gone.
And when we see the new day dawn.
We'll wonder how we wandered for so long, so blind.
The wasted world we thought we knew,
The light will make it look brand new.